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What can we do for a loved one who is in constant pain? We try to give advice that worked for us in struggles- but it didn’t help them. We try to tell them how much we love them here and how desperate we are to keep them alive- it can come across as selfish. We may write them letters gushing our hearts out- but it does not dampen their agony.

It feels unjust for you to be happy, or show them your stresses when they feel the way they do.

No one could possibly understand the pain and position you’re in. They don’t have the answers. They can’t make it go away.

I see you. I see your pain, even when you tell me that you’re okay. I don’t know what to say. The “what ifs” come to mind with every question I ask. What if I set you off? What if I lose you? What if you tell me something I can’t help with? What if I can’t save you?

There are answers, but when applying them to a loved one- everything changes. Training on suicide prevention tells us we must directly ask the question “Are you suicidal?”. I’m just afraid of the answer as I am asking the question. The only thing that keeps coming to mind is “what can I do?”. I love the hell out of you.

We also don’t want the suffering to continue. We want you here. Maybe it is selfish for me to tell you “I cannot go through another loss. I cannot lose you. I love you and need you in my life.”

I only want to beg for you to stay… Beg for you to get help. Your suffering is not okay with me and I want more than anything for it to end; but I refuse to let go of your life.

I love you….

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